WOMEN-RELATED HUMOR ARCHIVE

Don't complain they are sexist - they are HUMOR. I'm a woman and I saw the funny side of these.

Why Women's Clothes Don't have Pockets
And Men Don't Carry Handbags

Over the long years of human evolution, men (aggressive, good spatial perception and navigational skills) specialised in hunting while women (co-operative, good at remembering local details) did the gathering. Men strayed far from the cave in pursuit of prey while their womenfolk stayed closer to home and knew where and when to find food in the immediate vicinity.

Men needed to carry the tools for hunting, but they also needed both hands free so they could climb steep terrain or push through undergrowth etc. When they did carry something, it was a tool they were going to use immediately - a spear, a bow or a loaded sling. Everything had to be carried on their bodies - a bow worn over the shoulder, sling-stones in belt pouches and other tools and supplies tied about their person to leave their hands free to manipulate weapons. On their way back, the prey would be carried over the shoulder or on a pole between two hunters.

Women meanwhile were closer to home and did not routinely carry weapons. Some of the men who were too young or too old for hunting expeditions would be nearby and their better spatial perception made them better suited to wielding weapons. The women needed to carry the fruits and grains (and occasional small prey animal) so they made woven baskets and skin bags to put things in. These were either carried in the hand or on straps over the shoulder.

Over the course of evolution, more elaborate clothing was invented. Men's clothing had lots of pockets - a carryover from the days when they wore their tools and supplies on their bodies to leave their hands free. Modern men's jackets have outside pockets and inside pockets so the modern hunting male can carry everything he needs [1]. Meanwhile, women's baskets and bags evolved into the handbag, Everything she needed could be carried around in a bag [2]. There was no need to have pockets in women's clothing because women had not evolved to carry things on their bodies [3].

The handbag therefore evolved from the gatherer's basket and a woman would feel naked without it. Women and handbags co-evolved. The multi-pocketed men's jacket evolved from the hunter's need to keep his hands free to manipulate weapons. This is the reason that most men are embarrassed to carry handbags.

For women, shopping is a modern version of gathering and you cannot go gathering without a bag to put things in! This is why women carry not only handbags, but also take empty carrier bags. For men, shopping is a form of hunting and they only get carriers at the checkout - it is part of the kill. The reason modern women in nightclubs dance around their bags probably has its roots in a thanksgiving ritual where primitive females danced in a circle around full baskets to give thanks to the gods for providing food.

[1] Mobile phone, comb, dosh, spare wotsit for the engine, keys, greasy hanky, something that he keeps meaning to take into Maplins to get it identified so he can buy a replacement but the PC seems to work okay without it, melted object which might once have been a boiled sweet (or might not).

[2] Lipstick, mirror, powder compact, mobile phone, sheaf of paper hankies, keys (filed on ring by key-size), assorted objects carried on behalf of partner/children, shopping lists/receipts dating back several months, purse, bag of coins for parking meters/lavatories, sweets (covered in fluff).

[3] Except for babies in slings, which is why women should carry the papoose.

HELL HATH NO FURY .

"Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned"

If that's the case, why is the devil male?

Because hell hath NO fury like a woman scorned. If the devil were a woman, and was scorned, then hell WOULD have fury like a woman scorned, and the saying would have to be altered to 'hell hath a quantity of fury equivalent to that of a woman scorned (to whit, one devil, scorned (female))', or perhaps 'hell hath fury considerably greater than a man who's just stubbed his toe and is quite irritated', and neither really trips off the tongue (scorned or otherwise).

DRAGONQUEEN'S LAIR

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