HISTORY OFTHE “WORLD THREAT LEVELS ANNOUNCEMENT” INTERNET HUMOUR

The “Terrorist Threat Alert” circular, like the “Revocation of Independence” circular, was NOT written by John Cleese. It began as a “French Threat level” joke in 2003 and has been resurrected, updated and expanded to reflect changing current events. Back in 2005, the English were a bit miffed at “the London bombings.” By 2015, the English were a bit miffed “at recent events in Syria." Along the way, several additional national stereotypes have been added.

HISTORY

As far as I can make out, the original joke began in July 2003 as “The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender,” (alternatively the levels are given as: “Run”, “Hide”, “Cower”, and “Act Snooty”) and often accompanied a number of jokes about the French Military e.g. “Soldier of Surrender” magazine and a “French Army Knife” that included a white flag. I remember these well because I worked for a defence company at the time so these arrived in my email inbox and on military-oriented Usenet newsgroups. From that modest start, the French Threat Levels seems to have circulated on Usenet and social media and evolved into the much longer announcement mis-attributed to Cleese.

THE 2003 VERSION The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are COLLABORATE and SURRENDER. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in France are COWER and ACT SNOOTY.

This piece of humour appeared 2 years later on Fifty shades of Dave and other blogs in July 2005.

Sometime since July 2005, the “French Threat Level “ joke and the longer “Londoner Peeved” blog post synergised into something longer, incorporating as many national stereotypes as possible. Notice that it has American, not British, spellings ie.g. "neighbor" and "defense." Nov 2005 Version is the earliest version I could find that married the two jokes together into a single "security alert". This circulated virtually unchanged throughout 2006 and into 2007:

A July 2007 version contained a few short-lived changes and additions:

• The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist bombing and threats to destroy nightclubs and airports and therefore have raised their security ....
• The Germans, wishing to stay in lock-step with their neighbours, have also increased their alert state ....
• The Americans taking their typically measured approach have raised the security level from "pissed off" to "really f*cking pissed". The only higher security level is "Nuke the bastards".
• The world should now feel a safer place."

This October 2007 used the earlier wording, but added:

• The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
• The Swiss, as always, have taken the phone off the hook.

By 2008/9 (on usenet) this had become the "long" version that was recirculated in 2013 and 2015 with minor variations contributed by usenet posters. The Sept 2009 example (and many of those circulating in 2010) contained:

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
• New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Sh1t, I hope Austrulia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".
• Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
• The Canadians, meanwhile, are trying to debate the issue of whether Afghan detainees were putting stones in their snowballs and thus were fighting unfairly. The debate is on hold until some of the miscreants emerge from hiding in their mosque(s). It is hoped the evidence does not melt away like an arab folding his tent and silently sneaking away.

Examples found in March 2010 had dropped the Canadian section and the last line of the New Zealand section. It also changed the "The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666" to "The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada." This better explained the Spanish glass-bottomed submarine joke later on. A USA-centric footnote in December 2010 added "TSA have lowered their profiling standards. They are now only profiling humans between the ages of 1 and 112 who are wearing clothes and pass through airports."

In January 2011, the "long" version (now with 1588) was erroneously attributed to John Cleese, possibly because he's the only English funny man easily recognised by US Americans. It has remained fairly stable in content since then. Below is a version from 2013. “Recent terrorist threats” can be replaced by any topical current threat, so in 2015, it was re-circulated (still with an incorrect attribution to Cleese) as “recent events in Syria.”

MEANWHILE IN THE REAL WORLD ….

In May 2011, the US’s Dept of Homeland Security abandoned the colour-coded threat level in favour of two alert levels: “Imminent Threat Alert. Warns of a credible, specific, and impending threat against the United States” and “Elevated Threat Alert. Warns of a credible threat against the United States”. These were more meaningful to the public than red, orange and yellow.