A SPOTTERS GUIDE TO TRAINING COURSE ATTENDEES
The Scribe writes down everything - including copies of slides, notes from videos and illustrative anecdotes from the instructor. These notes will then be used for everything - to sell to other attendees, as evidence against the instructor and so to quote verbatim in end-of-course test. This is the adult version of the School Swot with an eye for profit (or litigation).
This is the person who constantly has their nose in the manual, asks 60 questions per hour, of which 59 are irrelevant. The Flapper takes notes on every answer "just in case it's on the test" and is nearly in tears on the day of the test, needing constant reassurance that they wont get dismissed from work if s/he fails.
Seen-It-Done-It will identify himself almost immediately. The opening question from a refresher course instructor is "has anyone actually done any of this since the last course?" Seen-It-Done-It will nearly jumped off his/her chair to give a rundown of all the times he'd done any of it. On a First Aid refresher, Seen-It-Done-It will be a bus driver and for every subject, he will have saved at least one passenger who suffered from the condition ... "This bloke gets on my bus with a railing through his head AND on fire"
THE KNOW ALL
The know-all deliberately asks questions s/he knows the answers to, to make himself look clever. S/he then elaborates on the instructor's answer and nods sagely as if to say "I already knew that." Know-Alls are frequently teachers, making it hysterically funny to watch him put his hand up to ask questions and jiggle on his seat to be picked to give the answer.
NOSTALGIC NED (OR NELLY)
No matter what the topic, Nostalgic Ned will tell you how it used to be done when he went on a similar course run by the company he used to work for. This will often involve anecdotes and the statement "of course, we didn't have to worry about health and safety back then". His attitude will vary from " don't see why it needs to change" to wanting to try out all the new gadgets because "we didn't have toys like these back then".
THE EX-ARMY GUY
Usually an ex-squaddie who is now a security officer. For any given subject he's done something similar in the field and overseas (he can't tell you where exactly because of the Official Secrets Act). He will always ask if tourniquets are back in, just in case someone in his office is suddenly going to lose a leg after wrestling with a paper clip. He occasionally slips into the thousand yard stare as they show a video of some wally slipping off a step ladder, because it reminds him of his best mate who took a round for him. If you're really lucky, this guy will be ex-SAS and still slightly unhinged from the time when he carried his best mate's body for 3 days through a steaming jungle.
The Joker is funny for the first 5 minutes until his brand of "fnarr fnarr" humour gets on everyone else's nerves. After that, he doesn't realise that everyone is actually laughing AT him, not WITH him.
How on earth did this dope actually pass the original course, never mind get on the refresher? A First Aid Feckwit doesn't appear to have grasped how to breathe for himself, let alone how to resuscitate a casualty. A typical Feckwit question is "so ... would you try and resuscitate ... if say ... their head was ripped off?" said with a straight face, and no hint of humour.
This one spends his time looking for spelling or arithmetic errors in the slides, continuity errors in the videos and repetition or inconsistencies in the instructor's talks. He will then chime in with "but earlier you said ...". Unlike a regular Nitpicker, the Pedant can't grasp the subject matter and his comments are 99% irrelevant to the course content.
THE 10 SECOND DELAY MAN
He doesn't really know what to do, so on all the practical exercises he is 10 seconds behind everyone else in order to copy them. If this type is copying you, deliberately make errors, but correct them when the assessor is there. The 10 Second Delay Man probably won't have corrected his copy of the errors in time and will hopefully copy someone else.
This attendee ignores the instructors and believes that TV drama is the source of all knowledge. In a CPR exercise on a First Aid course, instead of rocking gently and applying pressure on the heart, Mr I-Saw-It-On-TV will hammer it hard with a fist and then pump like crazy with bent elbows because that's what they do on Casualty or ER. On other courses, he has picked up all he needs to know from the Discovery channels on TV.
Seen mostly on medical courses, Ms Ick has volunteered to be on the First Aid course, but faints at the sight of blood (including her own). She will not use the resuscitation dummy unless she goes first in case of germs and she gets upset and cries when casualty simulations scream in pain. She will fail the course because she refuses to touch anything or anyone.
A cool customer whose nickname says it all. He pretends to know it all, but will always let the "less able" answer the questions, just to give them a "fair chance". It's fun to see the instructor call his bluff by asking him a direct question.
The Waster doesn't want to be on the course. S/he sits at the back chatting to other Wasters or engrossed in other things such as reading the paper, doing the crossword, filing fingernails, course handout origami, ballpoint pen artwork etc. Unfortunately disrupts the course when picked on to answer a question or when the instructor resorts to sarcasm in a vain attempt to involve the Waster in the course.
To a Snacker, any course is an all day buffet. S/he returns from the complimentary coffee table with 2 filled cups, numerous cartons of creamer, 5 or 6 packs of biscuits and other portable foodstuffs supplemented with his own supply of crisps and confectionery. He then munches throughout the entire course and is guaranteed to stuff in a large toffee just before the instructor asks him a question. The afternoon session involves a pile of sandwiches and finger food from the lunchtime buffet.
THE POST-COURSE REVIEWER
The sanctimonious attendee who likes to pigeon-hole everyone else once the course is over.