SODEXHO
Here I stand, in a lost and lonely dinner queue,
Sandwiches, in a world of work, sustain us all
Takeaways, I just can't make it there in time,
I really should be buying food, buying food
Oh snack-bar queue, oh snack-bar queue
sodexho - when the sarnie's gone and you can't go on
It's sodexho - when the baguette's shrunk and the mayo's gunk,
It's hard to eat, I've found the pickle but where is the meat?
sodexho - where the morning's rolls are cotton wool,
It's sodexho - rolls decrease in size and the prices rise,
It's hard to bear - with no chicken tikka you're goin' nowhere
When the sarnie's gone and you can't go on
Butty-bar, there's a mealtime urge inside of me,
Ocean flakes, with a content that's not seen the sea!
Mayonnaise; there's tuna in there, where is it?
It's hid beneath the cucumber, the cucumber,
Eluding you, eluding you.
sodexho - when the sarnie's gone and you can't go on
It's sodexho - when the baguette's shrunk and the mayo's gunk,
It's hard to eat, I've found the mustard but where is the beef?
sodexho - where the morning's rolls are cotton wool,
It's sodexho - rolls decrease in size and the prices rise,
It's hard to bear - the chicken is shaved and you'll find it nowhere
When the sarnie's gone and you can't go on
SODOFFSKIAN RHAPSODY
Is this the pork pie?
Or just the meat pasty?
What's in this baguette -
The mayonnaise looks ghastly
Strange as it seems
To someone who dreams of food ....
I just want dinner (Poor boy)
I get no BLT,
No cornish pasties, sausage rolls,
Egg and cress? No, sadly -
This is just Sodoffski -
Baguettes looking smaller to me? - to me.
Mama, just ate a roll
Ham and salad's what I tried,
Something in it hadn't died,
Eurest used to do good food,
But now we've gone and thrown Eurest away ....
Mama, ooo -
It's enough to make you cry
I fin'ly found the ham beneath the lettuce
Soddoffski, Soddofski, think it doesn't really matter ....
Lunchtime, the queue has formed
I am first one stood in line,
What delights have they this time?
Sausage inna bun or dog-puke lasagne?
The sight has turned my stomach off of food ....
Mama, ooo (This is not a sausage) -
I suspect that I
Have once more seen good money thrown after bad ....
I see a little turd-like sausage inna bun
E Coli! E Coli! In my bun a food pois'ning,
Soddoffski are crafty
Very thorough shafting me -
Salmonella? Salmonella!
Salmonella? Salmonella!
Is it just hyst-er-i-a? - listeria!-
But I'm just a diner, nobody loves me -
He will be sick if he eats at Soddoffski,
Don't tell me yet what is in this curry -
Am I ill, am I well, can I really tell? -
Soddoffski - Argh! You know I don't feel well (Go to Hell)
Soddoffski - You know I don't feel well (Go to Hell)
Soddoffski - You know I don't feel well (Go to Hell)
I don't feel that well (Go to Hell)
Do not feel that well (Go to Hell)
Spew, you spew, spew, you spew, spew -
Why'd he eat it? Why'd he eat it? Why'd he eat at Sodoffski:
His baguette was filled with crud sold for too much money,
Why eat
Their shi-i-it -
So Sodoffski can fleece me and poison my lunch,
They know there's nowhere else to go for a munch
No more ranting, in Sodoffski's canteen -
Need only walk out, I'm gonna walk right out of here -
I'll make my own sarnies, anyone can see,
Vastly better sarnies, my own non-toxic sarnies, for me ....
I don't need Sodoffski .... (*boom*)
SODOFFSKIAN PIE
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
how the snack bar used to sell good food.
And I knew that I could eat my fill,
And still get change paid from the till
and maybe I'd be happy while I chewed.
Now Sodoffski makes me tremble
with every cheese roll they assemble.
Bad news on the prices
Sarnies shrinking, curling slices
I can't remember if I cried
when I tried the canteen's Cottage Pie.
But something poisoned me inside
the day our snack bar died. So...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
I went to buy a currant bun,
And on the shelf they had just one,
Sitting on the tray alone,
I soon found it was hard as stone -
No butter could it soften,
Before Sodoffski I went there often!
The crusty rolls all looked so grey,
Splotched yellow with old mayonnaise,
No salad cream for me -
Should wholemeal bacon rolls be green?
Now the days of Eurest's gone and done,
The days of Sodoffski's come along,
Never knew that food could go so wrong,
the day our snack bar died. I started singing...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
Now all those years we'd had Eurest,
Though they may not have been the best,
Their food was how food ought to be.
The latest caterers arrived,
The quality of food nose-dived,
I wonder where they get their meat.
And they've taken over our canteen -
The drop in value's quite obscene!
Didn't change the price at all -
Just made the portions small.
Sure I ate there once or twice last week,
But now my digestion's grown weak,
I blame it on strange-tasting meat
the day our snack bar died. I was singing...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
Hocus pocus, Sodoffski are jokers,
All their foodstuffs try to choke us,
Tried corned beef and came to grief,
Now I've got BSE as well,
Campylobacter tastes so sweet,
It gives some tang to turkey meat,
But next day I just wasn't feeling well.
Now I've gone and lost my bloody voice,
Can't even moan 'bout lack of choice;
I looked for the "chinese duck",
But they just don't give a f***,
When I asked where the duck had gone
They pointed at the village pond,
They're cheap-skates, know what I mean?
The day the snack bar died - I started singing...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
On Tuesday I bought the egg and cress
They weren't too bad I must confess
But then all my trouble started
Cos I have problems with IBS,
With diarrhoea I'm now a mess,
And every time I moved I farted,
With all the dignity I mustered ,
I complained, moaned, griped and blustered,
No canteen meal Sodoffski offer me for free
Could placate me or deflect me,
I wonder what bugs now infect me.
But they've got the canteen stitched up tight,
And I hear them laughing with delight
the day our snack bar died. They were singing...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
Their snack bar lady said to me,
"So why don't you try our BLT?"
But I just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the greasy spoon
Where they don't serve road-killed raccoon,
and the cook there said I was the tenth that day.
Those rolls so small, where was the meat -
I'm sure Sodoffski prices cheat,
Bring back Eurest please! Can't eat at Sodoffski's!
But the baguettes I admired most,
Are now as dry as ancient toast,
they all were killed by Sodoffski,
the day our snack bar died. Sodoffski's singing...
Bye bye it's Sodoffskian Pie.
If you don't like it you can sod off and die
Good old Eurest, all their menus were fine,
And I should have brought a packed lunch this time,
I should have brought a packed lunch this time.
SODOFFSKI FAIR
Are you going to Sodoffski Fair?
Cheese roll, ham, and mayo like slime,
If you see a cheese-and-tom there,
It was once a favourite of mine.
Tell them they're awful and that they can't cook,
Cheese roll, ham, and mayo like slime,
Tell them the sausages look like dog-poop,
Cheese roll, ham, and mayo like slime.
Potatoes like granite, soup tasting of wee
Cheese roll, ham, and mayo like slime
No beef in the stew or bourguignon
But plenty of rats in the ratatouille
Have you tried their curry and chips
Lumps of fat but not one of meat
Spend the rest of the day in the toilet
'Til your legs go numb on the seat
I once saw my lettuce leaf move
Cross the plate a trail of slime
When I complained the manager told me
'We're trying to promote a high protein diet'