Dedicated to Stewart Sands 1938 - 2005

The games of your childhood, innocent-seeming,
Were they signs of your deep fantasies,
A fetish still latent, those games and your dreaming,
Signs of some later "disease"?

Doctors and nurses and examinations,
Cowboys and Indians tied up to trees,
Young girls in bridles with horsey fixations,
What does your now-adult mind make of these?

Did you pinion your patients, restricting their motion,
Bandaged to beds till they begged for release?
Did you ever strip naked for prodding and poking,
While nurse put her fingers in places that pleased?

Was the poor kidnapped princess tied tight to the
        main-mast,
The prisoner smacked for the secrets he stored,
The Indian Brave - to a tree was he tied fast,
In juvenile bondage games till you got bored?

As a young girl did you have "that fixation",
Did you crochet a bridle with ribbons for reins?
Was the wheelbarrow a cart, trap or Hanson,
With a coachman to whip you again and again?

The games of your adulthood, sex and sensation,
Do they echo your childhood games, do you think
Children's themes lead to grown gratification,
Have you ever considered you were born with a kink?

Master tells me if I'm wearing too much lipstick,
And he helps me into latex when my hips stick,
When I'm having trouble getting in my corset,
He ratchets tight the lacing and we force it.
Although my lingerie is made by Playtex,
He much prefers to see me clad in latex,
And perched upon my perilous high heels
(The sort not sold in Dolcis or Manfield),
He says stiletto heels in which I hobble,
Give my buttocks an attractive wobble.
He doesn't like me painted with cosmetics,
And prefers my bustline natural, not prosthetic -
They look ample in proportion to my waist,
Due to my corset being tightly laced,
Though when at last we're home I really hope,
To slip into the comfort of his ropes.

She has a vision in her sub-space now,
The pirate (played by Johnny Depp of course),
Has tied her to his wheel and now he starts his sport,
Rips off her corset and with a flourish, bows,
And just as he her virtue is about to force ...
Dom says: "Oh damn! This blummin rope's too short!"

The rosy rump before him crawls;
She's tied 'twixt unforgiving walls,
Then like a thunderbolt - crop falls.

Master I will trust to you,
My heart, my soul, my form,
I trust you to take care of them,
And do no lasting harm,
To use the many tools you have,
And bend me to your will,
Take me through pain to pleasure,
With artistry and skill.

Master I will yield to you,
My body's yours to own,
A plaything and an instrument -
Sweet music of my moans.
My skin is but a canvas,
To paint with stripe and bruise,
I give to you my fullest trust,
And pray it's not abused.

Master tie me now with ropes,
And send me to sub-space,
Away from harsh reality,
To my private, inner place;
I give to you my mind and form,
And this of my free will,
For you to cherish as your own,
And do no harm nor ill.

If you go down to the B & Q
You're in for a big surprise,
If you go down to the B & Q
You'll never believe your eyes,
For all the pervs that ever there are
Are building stocks and spreader bars
Today's the day that B & Q give pervs discount.

If you look hard at the bits and bobs
You'll find it be converted,
The chains and ropes and poles and rods
And other things be perverted,
And all the hardware and the tools
You need for chaining subs to the walls,
Today's the day that B & Q give pervs discount.

(Echo tune of last lines)
Now S & M-ers do it themselves,
The stuff they buy, it isn't for shelves,
Today's the day that B & Q give pervs discount.

Chorus:
I have joy, I have fun
When you smack me on the bum,
But the subspace I seek,
Lies a few smacks out of reach.

Verses:
Hello subspace why can't I fly?
You're out of reach however hard I try,
I get so close and then I fall -
Can't get in subspace at all,
Always seem to hit a wall.

I hear the things playmates have said,
How they've learnt to fly inside their heads,
And how endorphins get them high,
But it seems that though I try
I've a firmly earthbound mind.

Once more subspace you're out of reach,
I'm hoping there's a person here can teach,
This earthbound subbie how to soar,
I stay rooted to the floor,
There's more to playtime I am sure.

Chorus/First Verse:
Safe, sane and con-sens-ual,
Our colours - black and blue,
Sting-y, thuddy, sens-ual,
And all the things they do.

The subbie in the collar,
The dom(me) who holds the key,
The top who swings the flogger,
The bottom on his knees.

The master in his dungeon,
The mistress and the slave,
The red and gleaming buttocks of
A well-whipped minx or knave.

The sensual touch of feather,
The shine of P.V.C.,
The sting of braided leather,
For those who like C.P.

From pony-play to bondage,
From fire-and-ice to chains,
There's one thing which unites us -
The pleasure found in pain.

I got electrical nerve stimulation,
Twisting the dial to change the sensation,
TENS box or Rimba for instant elation,
But electrical stuff is never enough -
I got the pulse-width, modulation blues.

I have an implant and now I feel fine,
Got this electrode plugged into my spine,
Press of a button, a climax each time,
Though twisting a dial should make me smile -
I got the pulse-width, modulation blues.

Amplitude, frequency, current and wave,
Turn them to maximum if you feel brave,
Best to use batteries, then you'll play safe -
The Tesla coil's gone on my Violet Wand -
I got the pulse-width, modulation blues.

Chorus:
Nipple bells, nipple bells,
Jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to be
A gaily chiming slave.

Jingle as I work,
Jingle as we play,
Fun to pull and tweak
Keeps boredom at bay

oh .... (chorus) 

I'm forever spanking subbies,
Little subbies on my knee ....

Spanky And the cane,
Spanky and the cane,
One of them's a submissive,
The other causes pain.

My subbie lies over the sawhorse,
My subbie is tied up in ropes,
My subbie is wiggling her bottom,
I like to build up subbie's hopes!

She has the cutest pink nipples,
She also has plump ruby lips,
They are my subbie's best features,
But right now they're pinched shut with clips.

The ropes are constricting her bosom,
And made them go purple and taut,
It sets off my knots to perfection,
And the bright orange rope that I bought.

My subbie is dangling from wall-bolts,
I've given her nipples a tweak,
The put an ice cube in her navel,
I do like to make subbie squeak.

My subbie now hangs from the rafters,
She hasn't completed her chores,
I've said she can't have any afters,
Because she refused her befores.

My subbie is doing my laundry,
And giving my carpets a sweep,
If she wants any more of this torture,
She'll have to start earning her keep.

(Chorus)

Bye, bye Miss American Perv,
Use to chain you and then cane you
but then I lost my nerve,
My manacles are hanging dusty and dry,
Neighbours called when they heard you cry,
Mortified, we thought we would die.

Did you read the book of kink?
D'you have faith in your Dom, you think?
Though the others pour on scorn.
Now do you believe in pow'r exchange -
Or think the fetishists deranged?
Screw the roses, and send you the thorns!
Well, I knew she was in love with pain,
'Cause I saw her get off on it again,
She was a real pain slut,
Man, did I have all the luck!
I'm now a lonely mid-age balding Dom,
Whose dear submissive got scared, is gone,
Though we knew pain was never wrong,
That day the fetish died
I started singin'

(Chorus)

Now, for a year I flogged that lass
Admired her glorious rattan-ed ass,
And that is how it ought to be.
Watching subby dance in cuffs and collar,
As every cane-stroke made her holler,
And her sounds were sweet music to me.
Each time the tawse was coming down,
My subby wore her little frown,
Till our scene was adjourned -
Her bottom hotly burned!
And while subby sat her butt on ice,
I thought up sev'ral tortures nice,
Then we made love throughout the night,
Before the fetish died
Now I'm singin'

(Chorus)

I met a girl who looked like you,
And I asked what things she liked to do,
But she was not into the scene,
I went down to the chandler's store
Where I'd bought my ropes long years before
But they didn't have the polypropylene.
And as I thought about my sub,
How proud she looked in my handcuffs,
Till neighbours come from hell
Destroyed our Dom/sub spell -
Complained of cries of pain both day and night,
During our sado-sexual rites,
It was subby screaming with delight!
The day the fetish died
Now I'm singin'

Singin'
I will I will whip you
I will I will whip you

Subby you're a captive, bratty,
Shouting in your gag
Gonna say no safe word today
You got smile on yo' face
You're in subspace
I wavin' my flogger all over the place

I will I will whip you, sing it
I will I will whip you

Subby you're a spent sub, tired sub
Pleadin' with your eyes
Gonna cry out in ecstasy
You got love on your face
You're in disgrace
Subby - gotta get you back into my place!

I will I will whip you, sing it
I will I will whip you
Everybody
I will I will whip you
I will I will whip you
Alright

Oh you may get ratty
Submissives, you do get bratty
Wearing that same old black PVC
But to make me happy
You'll do this little thing for me:

You hang there waiting
Just anticipating
The sting of suede upon your tender breasts,
But while you're there shaking,
Please wear a little shiny rubber dress
That's all you've got to do.

Now it might be a little bit sentimental
Us dom(me)s also have our cares
And our soft words aren't detrimental
They'll make strokes easier to bear
Oh you won't regret it
Submissives, they don't forget it
Pain it leads to happiness
And it's all so easy
All you will need to please me,
Wear a little rubber dress

Make it hurt -
All I've got to do is know how to tease you,
I've got to bite you, squeeze you,
And I'll please you,
You've got to wear a little rubber dress

Do you have feelings for feather or fur,
Or maybe crushed velvet reminds you of "her";
The slick feel of latex pressed tight on your skin,
Or the scent of warm leather reminds you of "him"?

Those shoes with their heels are all that you need,
Collecting spike heels your fetish to feed,
The psychologists claim that your leanings are weird?
Now it's time to embrace them, they're not to
       be feared!

You feel that no-one else on this earth understands,
How you feel when your fetish is clasped in your hand;
Your item's symbolic, specific, sublime,
Totemic, erotic, as heady as wine.

And though you have strayed from society's norms,
Through long ages the fetish has had many forms,
Been worshipped as magic, been feared or reviled,
Condemning as sinners the ones it's beguiled.

But as long as your yearnings cause no unsought pain,
Your erotic fixation is wondrous, not shame,
Whether rubber or rope hold that strange fascination,
You are NOT some poor sinner in search of salvation.

When I met a man who would show me the ropes,
It got me all flustered and built up my hopes,
In relationship tied up, my heart kept in chains,
My beau gave me nothing but physical pain.

When he said "have a whip-round" my thoughts
       turned to money,
But his turned to bullwhips, which wasn't so funny,
When he first asked to flog me, I turned awful pale,
For I was quite sure I'd be offered for sale!

He offered a hot wax - but not treatment for hair,
But dripped drops from a candle that scorched
       here and there,
He knew more knots than sailors of olden-day ships,
And not even cowhands have so many whips!

He built me a sawhorse - at first I was vexed,
For I am no carpenter and was perplexed,
Till he tied me face downward and gave me a whack,
And said it presented me well for a smack.

He offered to buy me adornments so rare,
I hoped for some pearls or some gemstones to wear,
But a lockable collar? And two matching cuffs?
All made in black leather and lined in pink fluff.

And a gold-plated b*tt plug, and gold nipple weights,
And to think I had thought how a ring would
       be great -
But a chastity belt to which he has the key,
So I must beg nicely if I'm dying to pee.

Now, roses and violets please many a wench,
But I've found a taste for the cane and the bench,
And bunches of blossoms be treated with scorn,
It's "To hell with the roses - just give me the thorns!"

(whip round: impromptu money collection; flog: sell cheaply or pushily)

In my imagination
There's always domination
You chain and bind me ev'ry time
You give me flagellation,
The sweetest of sensation
Pinwheel runs up my spine.

Do not be dismissive,
I'll be your submissive,
We'll walk together hand on leash,
I'm dreaming
That I'm over your knee,
And I will serve you too,
But dreaming's all I do
If only dreams came come true

I should be submissive,
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love
I should be submissive
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love

I'd have no trepidation,
With chains and full suspension,
Because it's only make believe
You know my mind gets addled,
To see you wielding paddles,
Wish one day you would paddle me

I have no hesitation,
With my submissive station,
I fantasise you'll flog me,
I'm dreaming
That I'm over your knee,
And I will serve you too,
But dreaming's all I do
If only dreams came come true

I should be submissive,
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love
I should be submissive
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love

I should be submissive (submissive, submissive)
I should be submissive
I, I, (I, I)
I should be submissive (submissive, submissive)
I should be submissive
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I

Do not be dismissive,
I'll be your submissive,
We'll walk together hand on leash,
I'm dreaming
That I'm over your knee,
And I will serve you too,
But dreaming's all I do
If only dreams came come true

I should be submissive,
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love
I should be submissive
Subbie, subbie, subbie,
I should be submissive in love

Chains and rope and bits of twine
Are seen by some to be a bind,
But used with skill I always find,
A well-placed knot will blow my mind!

Chorus:
Sensual, sting and thuddy things,
And cobra whips delight me!

Skilled use of clothes-pins or pegs,
Brings sure weakness to my legs,
Removing them has strange effects,
Upon this so-called "gentler sex"!

Stinging drips of candle wax,
Are sure to stop me in my tracks,
And if my master has the knack,
His feisty captive soon will crack!

At other times I like to feel,
The reassuring weight of steel,
The cold chain links for which I kneel,
While painful pleasures make me squeal.

By my leather collar led,
Then chained spread-eagled on the bed,
Or by Karada harness spread,
I'm quickly lost inside my head .....

Young man [gal], there's no need to feel down,
I said, young man [gal], 'cause you're in a new town,
I said, young man [gal], there are pervs all around,
There's no need to feel so lonely.

Young man [gal], why not look for a munch,
I said, Young man [gal], with a map and some lunch,
You can chat there, have a drink and a dish,
It's a place to talk 'bout fetish.

Young man [gal], whether sub, Dom(me) or switch,
I said Young man [gal], time you're
scratching that itch,
I said, Young man [gal], time you started to meet,
Take your map and ask someone to greet.

No need to play all by yourself,
I said, Young man [gal], chat to others as well,
And just go there, to your regional munch,
I'm sure you'll find a friendly bunch.

(chorus)

Young man [gal], I discovered my kink,
I was scared then, what would other folks think?
There was no-one I could chat to as friends,
They'd all think I was round the bend.

That's when someone put a post on usenet,
Saying that fetishists like me met,
In pubs, at something called a munch,
They sounded like a pleasant bunch.

It's fun to chat about B-D-S-M.
It's fun to chat about B-D-S-M.
You can chat to the pervs,
you can make some new friends,
No need to feel at a loose end ...

B-D-S-M ... it's fun to chat about B-D-S-M.
Young man [gal], Young man [gal], there's a friendly perv bunch,
Young man [gal], Young man [gal], get yourself to a munch,
B-D-S-M ... it's fun to chat about B-D-S-M.

Young man [gal], Young man [gal], if you're needing a chat,
Young man [gal], Young man [gal], don't forget to take map!
B-D-S-M ... just chat about B-D-S-M.

Young man [gal], Young man [gal],there are Fetish Fairs too -
Young man [gal], Young man [gal], what are you gonna do ....?

Flogger has broken,
Lost all its suede strips,
Subbie has spoken,
"Not flying now!"
Fetch me a flogger,
Fetch me my new one,
I'll send you flying -
With stripes on your bum!

Start with my own hand,
Make your cheeks rosy,
Feel where my palm lands,
Feel the skin glow -
Next comes the paddle,
Thud, sting and tingle,
Soften your bottom,
Then whip starts to swing.

Flogger has broken,
Oh what a nuisance,
Horse crop has spoken,
Hear the sub sing -
See the sub quiver,
See the cheeks shiver,
Flogger has broken
Don't mean a thing!

My dominant is the best in the world,
He never ignores it if I should safe-word
When we do scenes and I'm chained to the wall,
And though I may scream I am having a ball;
Tawsing my bottom and flogging my back,
Makes me glow rosy with every hard smack,
Out with the paddle and over his knee,
When I scream "no more!" it means, "lots more please".

Chorus:
Scream 'cause I'm kinky as hell
Scream 'cause I'm happy as well

Pictures of porno and nudes may be fun,
But Screwfix Direct is a greater turn-on,
B&Q has lots of things for the scene,
It's a wonder vanillas don't find it obscene -
Paste mixers for paddles and ropes for my wrists,
Chain links and strapping and too much to list,
My car's always full of the stuff that I buy,
The neighbours think I'm into real DIY.

(chorus)

Out in the real world we must be discreet
Or risk the threats when we walk down the street
We don't molest kids and we're not causing bother,
We're hurting no-one except maybe each other,
But still the law steps in and causes us pain,
And therapists declare us sick or insane,
Just 'cause we're kinky, they label us pervs,
They're scared and condemn us - it gets on my nerves.

(chorus)

So what if I like to be tied to the bed,
Or have my Dom spank me till I glow red,
I play safe and sane and I've given consent,
My pain gives me pleasure, delicious torment,
I still have to hide all my kinks from my folks,
And laugh at the perverts and anti-kink jokes,
SM Pride's ridiculous, join their laughter
"They march on the streets now - what more are they after?"

(chorus)

Chorus:
Oh I'm gonna take you home again
I'm gonna bind you in my chain
Ah you gonna beg me for the pain
Red bottomed girl
You make my whipping world go round

Hey I was just a lonely switch
Who knows where he got his itch
Cos I'd played games before I left my nursery huh
Being spanked by big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Whipping woman you made a bad boy out of me

I've been spanking and been spanked
Across the knees and with the hand
I've seen lots of blue-black bottoms
on the way hey
But their colours and their style
They kind of pale after a while
Give me the red bottomed ladies every time
Come on

(chorus)

Hey listen here
Now I like to switch sometimes
I'll spank yours if you'll spank mine,
Make my bottom glow red when spanking me

I tell you
Oh but I give painful pleasure
My sub's my greatest treasure
When we're switchin' you gonna break
that cane on me
Now get this

(chorus)

Oh bend over my bench
Ooh yeah oh yeah
Oooh red bottomed wench
Red bottomed girls
yeah yeah yeah
alright, spank 'em come on
Red bottomed girls
yes yes.

Mine eyes have seen the glory
of the flogging of the sub,
With stripes of red a-glowing
on his alabaster butt,
It brought the tears into his eyes,
but not once did he blub,
And the sub goes laughing on.

Chorus
Flog him, whip him, crop him, smack him,
Thrash him, spank him, paddle-whack him,
Swing your arm and put your back in,
But the sub goes laughing on.

First I warmed him up a bit
and gave him several smacks,
Then I got the paddle and
he had some solid whacks,
The rattan cane then struck him
with some satisfying cracks,
But the sub goes laughing on.

He's lying on the sawhorse wearing
nothing but a collar,
The riding crop, it made him jump,
you should've heard him holler,
Six of the best I gave him,
there's a dozen more to follow,
But the sub goes laughing on.

He loves the horsehair flogger,
it's a warm and solid thud,
It makes him glow a lovely pink,
it warms my subbie's blood,
It doesn't make him whimper,
could it be my sub's a dud?
Cos my sub goes laughing on.

My cat o'nine tail's down to one
and that is nearly shot,
The others have all broken on
his most resilient bot,
My cane is in two pieces -
it's the only one I've got,
And the sub goes laughing on.

I got the single tail whip and
I gave him a good lashing,
I swear I heard him snoring in
the middle of this thrashing,
I checked in twice and all he said
was "carry on, that's smashing",
And the sub goes laughing on.

I'm getting tennis elbow
and developed R.S.I.,
My hand and palm are going numb
and number by and by,
My bloody sub just lays there
with a wicked glint in eye,
And the sub goes laughing on.

I've thrashed and whipped and flogged him
and his butt is tough as leather,
Both my arms are aching and
I'm now at end of tether,
But he'll turn into jelly when
I stroke his bits with feathers,
And the sub goes laughing on.