(2016) QUEEN OF ENGLAND TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
This complete overhaul of the Revocation of Independence started doing the rounds in 2016 after Donald Trump was elected President.
QUEEN OF ENGLAND TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
To the Citizens of the United States of America from Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in, and after long consideration, I am offering to restore British rule over the United States of America. Your two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it is not going well and that America needs to be placed back under colonial rule. I will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts:
1. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. Future adult suffrage will be based in part on successful completion of compulsory spelling examinations which will focus on words like "colour" and "visualise" whose mis-spelling is endemic in the American colonies.
2. You must relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen" and replace the faces on Mount Rushmore with that of Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth II . Ditto the face of the Statue of Liberty.
3. You will cease playing American "football” and play rugby, which is similar, but with fewer rests and without body armour
4. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. Instead, November 8th will a national holiday “Redependence Day”.
5. You will upgrade your obsolete “English” measurement to the Imperial System with immediate effect. This means 20 fluid ounces in a pint and an end to “short gallons.” The Metric System of Weights and Measures will be phased in as the primary method. It works for the rest of the world.
Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
According to a Reddit post in October 2015 (accompanied by photos), an Anglophile American wrote to the Queen, asking her to take the US back. Buckingham Palace’s Correspondence Co-ordinator made the following reply: Response: “I have been asked to write in response to your recent letter to The Queen in which you express your views about the American government. Whilst your views have been noted, you will appreciate, I am sure, that there can be no question of The Queen intervening in the affairs of another Sovereign state.”
On 8 January 2016, D.C. Brief, a satirical current affairs web-site, posted a fake news article on its Tumblr page in which it claimed that Queen Elizabeth would "take back America" if Donald Trump was elected president:
The Queen of England has issued a promise to her subjects that she will invade the United States of America if Donald J. Trump is elected President in November of this year. Should Mr Trump be elected we will take back America by force and place it once again under colonial rule,” her Majesty said in a statement this morning. The announcement has received mostly a positive response, but many critics have seen the Queen as merely taking advantage of the swell of anti-Trump feeling in the country after a petition calling for the banning of the real estate mogul from entering the UK received over 500,000 signatories.
On the 29th October, 2016, Andy Borowitz, a New York Times satirist, wrote in his column:
QUEEN OFFERS TO RESTORE BRITISH RULE OVER UNITED STATES
In an unexpected televised address on Saturday, Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer “in recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.”
“This two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn’t end well,” she said. The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin “with a minimum of bother.”
Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, “Parliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you’d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.”
Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person “very occasionally.”