GREEN EGGS & RAM
(AKA: A GRANDCHILD'S GUIDE TO USING GRANDPA'S COMPUTER" or "IF DR. SEUSS WERE A TECHNICAL WRITER")
(Original version Gene Ziegler, hacked by others)
Bits. Bytes. Chips. Clocks.
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.
Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.
Look, sir. Look, sir. Read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.
First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.
And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.
Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.
Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say.
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
When the pointer to your printer calls an unconfigured port,
The paper wraps your platen every time you hit abort.
Or you Push and Pop like crazy and you've mastered Poke and Peek,
But you've segmentation errors and your stack falls in a heap.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
If the clicking of the cursor on an icon on the screen,
Causes application errors in a coded subroutine,
You cannot halt the process using alt-control-delete,
Instead you get a message the computer won't repeat,
And wonder why your windows wander when you try to scroll.
if you call up the command line and you can't regain control -
And the keys of your computer cause the dumping of the stack,
Then you'd better find the off-switch before smoke comes out the back.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your ROM.
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!
AN OWED TO THE SPEILING CHEQUER(AKA "CANDIDATE FOR A PULLET SURPRISE" by Jerrold H. Zar)
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to bee a joule
The checker poured o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Be fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if were lacks or have a laps,
We wood be maid to wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft ware for pea seas,
And why I brake in two averse
By righting wants too pleas.
THE SPEILING CHUCKER
Eye like to right sum poet tree,
Upon my knew pea sea,
I real eye upon my soft where,
To cheque my words four me.
I yews sum soft wear to dick date,
Two save tie pin awl the thyme,
Sew men he words aye can knot spell,
Wen I compose a rime.
In books it reeds each chapped her,
Four gramme her and miss takes,
It all weighs is a grate sir prize,
What my speiling chucker makes -
For lit all words in what eye rite,
Mewed hate bee for my ice,
Thee owed that fine alley meats my site,
Awl lodge hick then deaf eyes.
Will yam shakes pier cud knot spell
A tall con cyst tent lee,
I one dirt if pore sheikhs peer had
A speil chucker like me!