MY DOG HAS FLEAS - IN VARIOUS MUSICAL STYLES
(Further contributions to this are welcome)
Describes (tearfully) how owner must shoot dog and sings about how he was such a good, faithful dog and how much he will be missed.
"My dog has fleas" (harmonica break) "My dog has got fleas real bad" (harmonic break) "Oooh baby, my dog has got them fleas sooo bad" (harmonica flourish) "and he's allergic to flea-spray" (harmonica coda)
No lyrics, just a lively jig tune on a badly-tuned fiddle which makes you want to dance like a dog jumping with fleas.
My bitch has fleas; you better not shag her …
Verses One to Seventeen: My dog has some strange disease sores; I will tenderly take him to the vet where I will sing him a long, fond sad goodbye in expectation of him being put to sleep sighing gently as he departs this dreadful world. Then I will regard his collar and lead as they slowly decay and rust while my dog moulders away in a tomb of damp clay and his spirit whines in the night at the unfairness of his ethereal existence. Verse Eighteen: My dog has only a mild case of fleas and I will sing sad paeans about the immensity and unfairness of this veterinary bill …
I'm so angry about my dog having fleas that I'm going to pick up my girlfriend and drive my motorbike real fast with her riding pillion, and then the world will explode to the apocalyptic sound of thrashing guitars and we explode into space to the accompaniment of lots of drums and a bass guitar being tortured to death and our lead singer doing his wolf howling stuff. And we'll work in an occult reference somewhere into all this, even if it's just the band's name ...
My dog has fleas. He's scratchin' all the time,
He ain't never had a Shampooch. He ain't no friend of mine.