SODOFFSKI CATERING CORRESPONDENCE
A certain company gave the catering contract to a firm nicknamed "Sodoffski". The following exchange appeared on noticeboards around the site. It was rumoured that Sodoffski are a division of Huntingdon Life Sciences, a notorious establishment whose main trade is in poisoning animals on agri-chemicals and new drugs which are clones of old drugs.
EXTRACT FROM LEAKED MANAGEMENT MEMO :
Soddofski Catering HQ (Specials Divn)
Chemical Warfare Research Dept
Following infavourable reports of the Soddofski range, including descriptions of dog, testicles and tar (they're onto us I tell you - I told you to use more MSG) I have decided to bring Project Hoodwink into play earlier than anticipated.
Proceed with FULL quantities (100mg per frozen portion) of lysergic acid diethylaminde injections. Ensure the altered polymer FK7 is present to ensure maximum response.
Keep close eye on Subject HoltPD, (Ref BAW092) - it is suspected he is the ringleader of W.A.S.T.E (Warton Anti Soddofski Terrorist Empire).
Let me know of any developments.
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE:
Thursday 22nd February will see the opening of the new Take Away situated at the opposite end of site to the current Take Away and Restaurant facilities. Located at [address removed], the Take Away will open from 7am to 5pm.
COMPANY NEWSGROUP NEWSFLASH:
Company sickness statistics due for massive increase, Soddofski increasing market share...."Nearly One Million lunches ruined!" Shock new market penetration announced by the prison food service, Sodoffski. Breaking into the fast food market their mismanaging Director announced yesterday...."We are aware that some people at [address removed] think the canteen is too far to walk, and we are missing out on a whole market segment of people that are currently healthy"
You can now throw up sooner than anticipated in the all new 'Johnny No Stars' fast food diner based in your own buildings.
Staff announced, "With this new contract we can reduce the Voluntary Severance bill for the Company and put the burden on the Pension Scheme in the form of death in service payouts"
Sodoffski responded "it's a perfect symbiotic relationship, we can make shedfuls of money whilst saving our client much more"
A Sodoffski spokesbeing said "It doesn't matter what you have in your bun, it will be a foul, flat, tasteless thing with the consistency of low grade packing foam, and is designed to disintegrate on contact with hot 'food' ".
A disgruntled diner commented "The filling will perfectly compliment the bun. I once tried to buy a bacon butty - I asked them to leave the bacon on the hotplate for a while so I could have it crispy. After 15 minutes, they insisted I take my butty away, despite the bacon NOT being crispy <barf>. Of course, the bun disintegrated and I dropped the lot, which was probably a mercy."
Sodoffski are rumoured to be a branch of Life Science Inc (motto: "We have more ways of killing a beagle than making it chain-smoke") whose main trade is in poisoning test animals, often by dosing their food with agri-chemicals or drugs whose trade-name is one letter different from an identical drug tested ten years ago. Since sticking a tube down the throats of human subjects is suspicious, the edibility of a foodstuff is related to its toxicity as an incentive for staff to eat high doses of the chemical agents involved. When tests are complete, the foods will be shipped out to foreign regimes labelled "Humanitarian Aid - Famine Relief".
SODOFFSKI ST PATRICK'S DAY 2001 MENU
Sodoffski were pleased to announce a special theme menu for St Patrick's Day 2001. After careful analysis, diners failed to notice the link between St Patrick and the fare on offer: Pizza Margherita, French Onion Soup, Beef Chilli, Spaghetti Bolognese etc. Not even an Irish Stew, Beef and Guinness Pie or a plate of spuds in sight. So they challenged fellow diners to come up with a link. The best suggestions were:
1st: After eating it, you turn green.
2nd: There are no snakes in it.
3rd: The meals are suffering from potato famine.
N/A: Who needs theme food when we have theme staff i.e. thick (Entry rejected for being racist)