THE SANDSTRŐM-HARTWELL MISERABLE BASTARD SCALE (MBS)
The Miserable Bastard Scale, or MBS, was originally formulated on sci.military.naval for Usenet use. In view of its naval origins, it is based on the marine version of the Beaufort Scale of wind speeds. The MBS helpfully allows the numeric classification of Miserable Bastards on newsgroups.
0: Calm - Individual is dead, medicated, asleep or otherwise unconscious.
1: Sulk - Individual issues "refuse to answer that" responses when views are challenged.
2: Bristling - The hackles are up, individual takes offence easily but may still be open to listening to others at this point.
3: Grouchy - ability to interact intelligently is impaired, but this considered to be normal state of operation.
4: Sputtering - Monosyllabic, impaired receptiveness to views of others.
5: Fresh Breeze - rises to challenges and often breaks into displays of grouchiness. Expect sudden gusts.
6: Strong Breeze - Long diatribes begin to form. Angry outbursts are widespread. Conversation obscured by undirected ranting.
7: Near Gale - Rants heap up and strong language from breaking grumbles begins to be blown in incoherent streaks across the conversation. Visibility of original subject matter impaired.
8: Gale - Moderately high rant level, diatribes of greater length; Rants are blown in well-defined streaks in several well-defined directions. Visibility of original subject matter severely impaired. Personal attacks imminent.
9: Severe Gale - High rant level. Dense diatribes in multiple well-defined directions. Rants tend to break up under their own force. Speed of furious typing may result in incoherent output. Personal insults beginning to form spray. Visibility affected - Miserable Bastard probably seeing red - original subject matter barely visible.
10: Storm - very high rant level in random directions. Entire conversation affected. Refusal to acknowledge views of others. Heavy spray of personal insults and ad-hominem attacks.
11: Violent Storm - exceptionally high rant levels, insults and personal attacks on all parties, including non-participants. All comments by others sucked in and twisted out of shape.
12: Hurricane - full-blown apoplectic anger in all directions, original subject matter and train of thought long ago lost, no trace of logic or consistency in argument. Others take avoiding action until Hurricane has blown itself out through being ignored.
13: Coronary Imminent