You can mend a broken table,
You can mend a broken vase,
But there ain't no way that
You can mend my broken heart;
When you walked out that doorway,
You went broke my heart in two,
And you just can't fix it up,
With Sellotape or glue.

All the times you spoke of screwing,
It was "cross-head screw or straight?"
It was one man and his Philips,
So our love-life wasn't great;
Now you've packed your Black & Decker,
And you've left me on the shelf,
To you a "vice" meant "bench clamp",
Not a tart or trashy girl.

Notes: "Vase" is pronounced "varz" in British English; Sellotape is adhesive tape; Philips is a cross-head screw-driver; Black&Decker is a popular brand of power tools