MOGGOPHILIA & THE MESSIBEAST CAT DEFENCE SYSTEM

ARE YOU A CAT-LOVER OR A MOGGOPHILE?
By Peter Rieden

"Sarah Hotdesking" posted a newsgroup message describing herself as a cat-lover who lets her cats sleep on, or even in, the bed with her. This elicited a news group chat-up message which said " only one thing though - those cats have to go!!" Sarah (recently divorced) retorted she would rather share her bed with her cats than with a man.

I didn't actually read that post myself, but I have read a detailed brief which makes it clear that it made satirical references to moggophilia. To make light of such a thing is utterly unacceptable and will have brought pain and suffering to the millions of cats (and their relatives) who have suffered at the hands (and other appendages) of these evil moggophiles who would evict husbands from the bedroom just so their cats got a larger share of the duvet.

On behalf of men, I have to say "enough is ENOUGH".

Our self-appointed committee have decided that we need to register our displeasure. We are staging a protest which will bring the country too its knees . We DEMAND that the National Moggophile register be made public. Further, we are going to burn down all Pharmacies and Chemist shops because these places dispense the drug "Moggodon", which our extensive research has determined to be widely used in Moggy date-rape cases.

All cat owners will be hung from the lamp-posts because it's obvious that they only keep these cats so that they can satisfy their evil lusts. We have proved this by asking 1000 cat owners "Do you love your cats?" and 99.5% replied "yes". They obviously realised that our clever questioning had caught them out when they declined to answer the second question "how often?"; proof positive that our society is riddled with such perverts and they must be rooted out for punishment IMMEDIATELY!

So as you can see this clearly isn't a suitable subject for satire. Please post an immediate apology.

THE MESSIBEAST CAT DEFENCE SYSTEM
From a newsgroup posting on messibeast.rec.misc

Complaint:

Looks like all the cats round our way, ours included defend their territory rigourously. They keep beating up our cat, even coming in through our cat flap to beat our cats up in their own living room!

Messibeast Solution:

Sounds like a marketing opportunity - would any of your cats be interested in some state-of-the-art designer defense equipment? We have a wide range of items to suit every pocket. Whether the problem is the occasional wayward feline excretion or regular wholesale territorial incursions MESSIBEAST DEFENSE SYSTEMS can provide the appropriate deterrent or counter-strike capability to allow YOUR cats to exercise their INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNISED rights of territorial self-determination. Don't delay - call one of our discrete mayhem consultants today on 1-800-nuke-the-JERKS for your free colour cat-alogue...

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